Figures.

Figures – By Jessie Reyez

To preface this post, I recommend watching the video in the link above. This song, called Figures, really inspired me to think about past relationships and how powerless I used to feel in them.


Lyrics:

I gave you ride or die and you gave me games
Love figures
I know I’m crying ’cause you just won’t change
Love figures
I gave it all and you gave me shit
Love figures
I wish I could do exactly what you did
I wish I could hurt you back
Love, what would you do if you couldn’t get me back
You’re the one who’s gonna lose
Something so special, something so real
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?
If you couldn’t get me back
That’s what I wish that I could do to you, you, hoo, hoo
To you, you, hoo, hoo
Figures
I’m the bad guy ’cause I can’t learn to trust
Love figures
You say sorry once and you think it’s enough
I got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys
Begging for me just to give ’em a try
Figures
I’m willing to stay
‘Cause I’m sick for your love
I wish I could hurt you back
Love, what would you do if you couldn’t get me back
You’re the one who’s gonna lose
Something so special, something so real
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?
If you couldn’t get me back
That’s what I wish that I could do to you, you, hoo, hoo
To you, you, hoo, hoo
Figures

There are so many lyrics in this song that really stuck with me when I first heard it. My first thought when I heard this song was, “wow…I really wish I could sing well so I could make a bad ass song like this.” The song starts off saying that the person the artist was in a relationship with was playing games with her and she goes on to say how much she gave them and how little she received back in the relationship. The line that really stuck with me was “I wish I could get you back.” Writing it out now, I’m realizing you can interpret this in different ways. Is she saying she wishes she could have the relationship back or does she mean to get revenge? I’ve always felt like when you hear people talk about their exes they generally say “I wish them the best, I hope someone makes them happy one day, I just hope they’re happy.” I call bullshit.

These feelings are usually expressed after that person is in a new relationship and they don’t care to think about their ex so they just say “I wish them the best.” Even though I am entirely content and happy with my relationship right now, this song still brought back those familiar feelings of sadness I used to feel towards someone who played games with me when I was willing to give my all. I don’t see why we have to be happy for our exes. Don’t get me wrong I have exes that I have no hard feelings for who I really do wish them the best and exes that I haven’t thought about literally since the day I broke up with them and I really don’t wish them anything.

However, I don’t think there’s any shame in not having happy feelings towards someone who wronged you. There is a line in the song that goes “how in the f*** would you feel, if you couldn’t get me back?” I remember feeling this so strongly during that relationship. I felt so powerless knowing that he could really do anything to get me back and I would always go back, no matter how emotionally drained I was and how terrible I felt whenever I found out he had been with other girls. I was the type of woman I would never wish anyone close to me to become. As an outsider, I can’t imagine what my friends were thinking every time I made a half-assed attempt to convince them he had changed. Never again.

This song was clearly written from a place of sadness and I remember feeling like I wanted the worst things to come to the person who wronged me. I guess they’re not as strong anymore but I certainly don’t wish him complete happiness. What I really wish for him is for change. I wish for him to gain the decency to reflect on his actions and to change so the future girls or (whoever) do not have to ever feel the way I did. That’s something I wish for all men and women really to treat their significant others with respect and decency and passion. To be able to understand your own actions is a mature and important piece of growing up and unfortunately it does not always happen as soon as we grow up. It takes time but I will tell you this. It figures that after all I went through, after an experience that brought me to my absolute lowest, most raw state, I found someone who treats me as I deserve to be treated. I am so happy I found him and I wouldn’t have, had I held myself to the standard I did in college.

I know this post is all over the place but after 3 years I’m still trying to learn about the experience and understand and move on from it and I’ve done a lot of work on myself because of it. I strongly encourage everyone to reflect on their past in order to move forward with their future.

That’s all for now loves.

As always, thanks for reading my dears, xoxo TwentyClueless

2 thoughts on “Figures.

  1. I know we’ve never actually talked but we follow each other on social media and I just wanted to say I think this is extremely bold and brave to post something so real and personal. I love the fact that you’re still reflecting on your experience years later. You can tell that your doing it in a way that helps self-growth and growth in your new happy, awesome relationship. It definitely got me thinking that it’s something I should be doing as I’m in a happy and healthy relationship now but years ago I subjected myself to someone who sounds like the same kind of guy as the one who played with your feelings. It’s so true, you always hear people say ” I wish the best for them” I’ve been guilty of saying it .. but when I really think about it I’m like ” I really hope you just become less of a shitty person so no woman ever has to feel the way you made me feel again.. like no, you really don’t deserve the best and anyone’s devotion.. I just certainly don’t want you fucking someone else’s life up again. ” Again, this is such an awesome post and it really spoke to me! 🙂

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    1. Omg Lauren, I can’t even tell you how much your comment just made my day!! The entire reason I wanted to start my blog was to tell my story and to hope that even just one person has experienced some of the things I’ve experienced. I’m so glad this article resonated in you and I seriously appreciate you reaching out to me. I’m so glad to hear you’re now in a happy relationship; it sucks that we have to go through such stupid situations before we can appreciate being in a good relationship. I really feel like I wouldn’t be with my boyfriend if I hadn’t been through something so traumatizing beforehand to up my standards haha but seriously, thank you for your comment girl I really appreciate it 🙂

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