I’ve recently been made aware that quite a few people read my blog posts. It’s not actually that many, I’m flattering myself here, but enough people to the point where I was shocked anyone actually payed attention to anything that I write down. The basic gist of the comments I get on my writing is that people appreciate how what I generally am going through, they are going through that too. That to me is so worth writing down every stupid thought that I have. Not that I’m surprised that everyone else is as clueless as I am but I appreciate the fact that others go through the same struggles and are willing to admit it to me. I get a little nervous for this blog because, as crazy as this sounds, when I’m really content with my life I don’t have much motivation and muse to write what I feel. I’m not sure why, there’s something about crippling anxiety that makes you want to throw up everything that’s on your mind just to gain some clarity. All joking aside, I’m pleased that you (if you haven’t stopped reading at this point) want to keep up with my life and my thoughts on how to deal with whatever it is I’m dealing with each week.
I wanted to start a blog where I could write at my leisure. As much as I love having the opportunity to write my thoughts down each week, sometime’s I’m not sure what to write about. I enjoy writing, it gives me motivation and relief from my inner demons but at the same time I don’t enjoy writing fluff pieces if I’m not feeling any inspiration. I wanted to be able to write what I’m dealing with each week if I happen to be dealing with anything in that week. Sometimes I lay in bed for an entire week watching The Office without any intelligent thoughts coming to mind. It’s not my most proud moment but I am the type of person that if I could sit and do nothing for at least 5 months of the year I’d probably be content.
This past week, I’ve realized how overwhelming it is for me to be an adult. Sometimes the thought of responsibility is enough to keep me unmotivated enough that I will literally not do anything about it. I’m pretty easily overwhelmed I guess but just the thought of having to do certain things to get to what I want is enough to put me right back into my bed. I become motivated around 10pm on a Sunday and then I wake up at 7am and realize I hate waking up early and it’s hard to be a productive member of society when you literally don’t know what you’re doing. Generally speaking, you get out of college, apply to jobs and bide your time until someone actually looks at your resume long enough to offer you a full time job. With teaching, you need to just be continuously gaining experience at all times. Which is why I feel so stressed about even starting. Every part of my job has somebody scrutinizing how well I do it in order to consider hiring me full time. Obviously this is not just a teacher issue, there are many jobs that require this kind of observation. But the stress of it alone is enough to get me to not even apply. At this point, I don’t really know where I’m going with this piece. I’d like to say that I figured out that hard work and motivation is key in life and you’ll land your dream job but sadly I’ve only been in the work force for a week and 2 days and I’m still compelled to throw on my pjs on and finish up season 8 of The Office. But I can say this; keep going and write things down when you’re stressed. I’m not saying that everyone will benefit from journaling but it’s amazing how my mood goes from high stress to relatively sane within 10 minutes just from writing down what exactly I’m stressed about. Being an adult who doesn’t really know how to adult is hard. I think even if you know what you’re doing it’s hard. My advice for tonight is just to turn on the Metro Station radio station on Pandora, cry, then write down exactly what you need to do tomorrow. You’ll feel better even if you don’t accomplish everything on your list tomorrow. Netflix will still be there when you’re done.